If I didn’t have a child, I wouldn’t be sitting here in a park at 8:00 am on a Sunday morning.
Is the thought that hit me.
At almost any other time over the past almost 2 1/2 years, this would not have been a positive thought. This would have been a wistful thought, a longing… a daydream of easier days, of wine nights and sleep in mornings, of the simple hedonistic pleasure of a self-directed life.
But this morning… after a missed nap yesterday led to an early night last night, which in turn led to a 4:30 am wake up today… which in turn led to an early morning park visit to wear a certain toddler out and beat the rising heat…
…. this morning it was different.
I was sitting on the swing next to her, both of us swinging away quietly in the morning sun…
… and maybe it was the soft cool-warmth of the air or way the light was hitting her hair or the silence of the park broken only by birdsong…
… but the thought hit me:
If it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t be sitting here in this soft early morning sunlight having a swing at 8:00 am on a Sunday morning with a little companion beside me.
And in that instant, I knew – and felt – that it wasn’t a negative thought.
Maybe… just maybe… it was a very content and blessed one. A lucky one. A grateful one.
Maybe – finally – a happy one.
We speak a lot as parents about children having “milestones” which they encounter and achieve along their journey of growth towards adulthood.
Maybe mothers have milestones too. Milestones in the inner journey of growing into motherhood.
Scarlett, my physically wary little girl, went down the slide all by herself for the first time today.
Maybe today was a milestone day.